I’ve been trying to slow down life, but it seems to want to gallop past me. Or perhaps right through me. So these days, I’m turning inward, trying to slow down how I deal with the demands on my days, how I react, and how I carry myself amidst the pace.
This week’s episode of “Bella Figura—The Tradition of Living Beautifully” features a conversation with Jennifer L. Scott, author of the bestselling “Madame Chic” series, where she writes about how to live with poise, grace, and well, chicness. I wanted to talk to her after hearing her on one of my favorite podcasts, “Homemaker Chic” (I guess I have a thing for chicness?), talking about her daily practice of using grace to slow down her reactions to what upsets her. This season so far, I’ve talked to great guests about how to slow down by working with farm animals, moving to the country, cooking in the kitchen, connecting with your ancestors, living in nature, and I thought this aspect of slowing down a terrific one to add to the toolbox.
I often say that my guests come to me when I need them, and Jennifer continues that trend. I’m struggling these days with not getting irritated so easily, especially when, as is daily and regularly the case, I’m being pulled in so many directions. My husband needs something from me, my son does, my mother does, and all the while I’m trying to get dinner on the table while thinking about the social media post I didn’t write, and the backlog of photographs I need to edit, the book I’m trying to work on, and oh, yeah, what about taking some time to get some acupuncture or go to the sauna because physically, I could really use a little boost?
Meanwhile, all I really want to do is spend time in the garden as if time were not a thing, then bring what I pick into the kitchen, again, as if time were not ticking, and make wonderful cakes, dishes, preserves, and tinctures with my harvest. But with everything on my plate, even the garden is starting to feel like merely something on my to do list.
So you see, “slow down” as a theme for Season 3 was a choice made out of desperation more than wisdom. I don’t have the answers, my friends; I’m looking for them.
I haven’t yet figured out if I’m trying to do too much, or if I’m simply not managing all I need to do well, or, if it’s a mix of both, but one thing I know for sure is I need to shift how I handle what doesn’t appear to be ceasing anytime soon. I need to slow down my reaction. I need to live well within the storm. As the female-head of this home, I set the energy inside of it. Even the most masculine husband, like my husband, is still influenced by the female energy around him. And let’s not even talk about my two-year old son, for which I am the universe, the star around which he rotates. Phew, that’s a lot of responsibility to keep my head and emotions in order.
But it is my responsibility. No one, none of us, want to live in a home where mommy is always stressed and irritated. I keep thinking the demands will lessen, and maybe, in time, they will, but what’s starting to dawn on me is that more likely than not, the demands will remain, especially if we want to do big and great things, and instead of waiting for the demands to disappear, maybe we have to step up and learn how to handle them with grace and poise.
Grace. Poise. These are the more modern versions of the old-fashioned terms, dignity and character. All of them used to be sought after in a human being; they were admirable traits, and when a woman walked into the room possessing them, people noticed. Why are we still obsessed with Sophia Loren or Lauren Bacall, starlets of another era? Because they possessed dignity and character, grace and poise, in spades. You didn’t get the sense that some asinine comments from trolls on the internet would ruffle their feathers, or that the demands of their children would fluster them. No, these women were bigger than that. They were in control of their emotions, reactions, and demeanor.